Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Marterbating With Foodgallery

romance

mi sento in uno di quei romanzi del romanticismo tedesco, il cui protagonista è un amore esasperato e totalizzante, senza lieto fine: se rileggessi ora il werther potrei impazzire.
come nei romanzi, nelle poesie e nelle canzoni, mi trovo di fronte ad un sentimento quasi incredibile, che non si affievolisce né con il tempo né con la volontà. will perhaps too weak, perhaps feeling too strong.
situation is unreal, a novel!
feel my strong desire as his refusal, I feel my will to fight as strong as my helplessness.

this powerful movement outside of my person, in a burst of desperate love centered on a person, comes up against a wall of indifference, it shatters so many drops that are dispersed. then falling all around, and I feel I love the uniqueness of the world. I can fill my spirit with the rushing water of a river, with the imposing majesty of a mountain landscape with the tranquility of the calm sea, with the strength and fury of the stormy sea. each element of nature awakens and fills my senses, I can enjoy the varied emotions, which then reassembled in that motion finds out that his goal in that person. is a continuous circular motion between joy and sorrow, between peace and anxiety, and between power and powerlessness.
is a flow that is lost, then recombines in an infinite movement. and also I am always on the move. is an inclusive and expansive movement that keeps me alive and responsive.
pleasure in the strength of my emotion when I hear her in pain.

and this stream of life has nothing to do with the escape, distraction or psychosis, as some would have me believe. has only love and curiosity about the world and expansion. who shares is fortunate, who do not understand the judge, who does not understand this accusation!

believed that this flow of emotions focused on him, would be returned to the world by the end of our relationship. Instead I continue to be caught in this endless circularity, and my spirit is always where he falls.
I realize that this movement of expansion, when he was at my side, was a unique and powerful force. represented the world on my strength, my completeness. never had reason to break up and ran every time stronger, enriched by the addition of emotions with different origins.
its remoteness has shattered me, and now it seems so hard to rebuild my spirit.

that is the problem, here comes my anxiety.
I miss him a lot, deep in my spirit. Share

Monday, August 4, 2008

Ver Online Mario Salieri

super holiday in slovenia

I put that much needed vacation: as ever right now I need a vacation. add to that by repeating a year I want to know the Soca , place of pilgrimage for paddlers from all over Europe (and elsewhere). add that I have lost my master canoe and I still have much to learn.

solution to everything: a course of action alpine canoe !

I will never cease to thank Sabine for organizing everything and putting me up for the whole week!
special guest I was spoiled and pampered throughout my stay.

Sunday, July 27:
departure from Milan at half past seven in the morning proved a winning choice: we travel well and no traffic.
we chatted all the way, and neither one is dry throat!
we arrived at their destination for lunch time!
welcomed us a big house and cool, the smell of cut wood and the light filtering through the newly opened my taxes have been excited.
prepared my bed in the bedroom, we have prepared lunch and rested quietly in the courtyard. the mountains around the sun, the blue sky inhabited by flocks of swallows have put me at ease and I have helped ease the tension that was beginning to rise in anticipation of a busy week in the River.
else did it then the beer!
despite the heat, I could not give up a walk to the river, came on deck I was out of breath: there are no words or images to describe the water clarity and the whiteness of the rocks and the green woods. a paradise that you need to know!

the slalom from the deck of Trnovo

spent the afternoon drinking baraka pivo I met many people and last maestro piero the world famous international canoe and new friends, I also found with other pleasure old mates down.

piero "er Direktor"

Monday, July 28:
I woke with a start at 5.45, almost dazed and frightened by the lively flared in the morning the bell tower of Trnovo played with joy, for about three continuous minutes, three times a day: at 5.45, 12.00 and 21.00; beats all day every quarter hour and every hour. fortunately silent between 22:00 and 5:45!

however, a week is not enough to get used to the bell-morning!
the open window came a good smell of the woods, but I was disappointed when I saw the sky gray and cloudy. I dozed off again, fighting the bells every quarter hour and finally, when I got up, I found the clear blue sky!
at noon I was ready with the boat on their shoulders for the first lesson!

ready!

is part

as usual I was in stress: the saliva already known anxiety pre-shipment and I kept wondering why I had chosen a quiet beach holiday. also afraid of making big mistakes and big fool. Meanwhile
piero explained to me that for the first day we worked on a stretch of river quite simple and we studied the basics well: there was just no reason to be afraid. however, until the moment we entered the water, the anxiety continued to grow, after the first paddle in crystal clear that water, I began to feel at ease. the river calls you, invites you to enter its waters: it is impossible to resist!
admit that I was often distracted, looking at the paradise that surrounded me, but I took good piero, trying to correct the position, the paddle, the movement of the legs. I am so uncoordinated that when I undertake to correct a defect, ignoring all the rest and emerge again, but paddling and ferries, entering and then died in the current, my body started to get used to and move with greater coordination. Piero
faithfully followed, when I saw him slip into a dead seething decided between two stones: I was a bit 'puzzled. at that point the river is wide enough to provide a smooth transition rather than to the right and left of quell'ostacolo: why go right in there?? Recognizing the importance of that year and the fact that I could NEVER say to my teacher, "I'm not going there," I got thrown in, but with little conviction, I was almost certain to be already out when I died sucked back. accepted the defeat, which I had already expected, I left paddle and grabbed the handle of the flap. in a moment I was out of the canoe, after having pushed the boat out of that dead bully, with a few strokes decided I managed to get out of it even I, the paddle but it remained upright in a few seconds to turn in that vortex, as drawing an inverted cone !
here is the first bathroom with lowered ears I emptied the boat and I started looking for some excuse to paddle with myself that I have not found clearly.
at the end of the descent I was however pleased, summing up the whole lesson ...
piero and seas

busy

landed in the quarry pond, we found good bradimir waiting for me to take me back to the pickup and then to the base. I decided to bring pride to own my kayak up to the road and I gave up even when the wind failed and the legs have begun to give way! 300 meters in height with the boat on their shoulders ... sob!
then find out the embarrassment of bradimir in accompanying for the trip up the paddle in one hand ... but I could never take me to the boat! (Actually I left it to him Friday, for a landing easier: I could not risk that offended!)
after a quiet afternoon spent in resting the weary limbs, and visiting the near Kobarid ponte di napoleone, ho scoperto dal mio maestro che quel mio bagno del mattino era ovvio e scontato! meno male!

il ponte di napoleone

martedì 29 luglio:
abbiamo affrontato il medesimo tratto di fiume, ma l'ho fatto molto meglio.
la pagaiata era più precisa, l'ingresso in morta più morbido e decisivo, l'assetto nella canoa più equilibrato.
ancora molti esercizi in acqua piatta: dentro e fuori dalle morte, traghetti impegnativi tenendo in equilibrio una bottiglietta vuota sulla punta della canoa. dopo i primi tentativi assolutamente fallimentari, sono riuscita finalmente portare quella bottiglia almeno dall'altra side of the river!
I already felt better in water, and I dealt with a new security step in that strange dead, with whom I had quarreled the day before and emerged winner!
landing was radiant, happy and satisfied and full of adrenaline!
the climb to the road with the boat in the shoulder was less difficult than the previous day and returned home with a smile that joined the ears!

in the afternoon we decided to drive up the valley to see the waterfall Boka (unfortunately with a little water) and follow the course of this incredible river. Unfortunately, a vehicle breakdown we halted after about twenty miles! assisted by Peter, who promptly è venuto a recuperarci (l'attesa del carroattrezzi sarebbe durata ore!) siamo rientrate in tempo per ripartire per un'escursione a cavallo: speravo che sabina venisse con me, ma non sono riuscita a convicerla. sono partita quindi con una coppia inglese, in sella ad una cavallina avelignese con cui ho litigato fino al rientro in scuderia.
ho montato altre volte da ragazzina, così ero convinta di avere un poco di esperienza; inoltre piero mi descriveva i suoi cavalli come cavalli-mucca per la loro docilità; invece è stata una lotta senza fine contro questa bestia che si preoccupava solo di mangiare fiori, arbusti e simili! queste pause di merenda ci costavano un ritardo che veniva poi recuperato a passo di trotto o di galoppo!! igor's advice, our guide, I started talking to this horse: I told her of my vacation, the lesson in canoeing in the morning, my sentimental disasters. so finally he calmed down a little. I later learned that the night was a bit stable 'hysterical. but I am worn down from the saddle. mah! Horses just do not understand them.

useless to explain that at the end of the day I was tired and soft: I am just collapsed in bed after dinner!

Wednesday, July 30:
wake up early, boarding at 9:30!
board is very nice at that time: the beach is deserted and no one was found in the river, the water sparkles in the sun in the morning, the ducks paddling in some died.
climbing, Piero explained to me that we could get up to Trnovo : then I was finally ready! I was excited, but still stressed.
simon took us a little bit, then continue down more quickly. I did some exercises with him curious, coming into life with your eyes closed.
incredible! I did a little lesson with Simon Westgarth ?!
piero and I were still doing exercises in the first section of the river so I could fix a couple of bathroom trying to stand up and stand up in the canoe.
then it is time to continue the busiest stretch of the river: although heating and the practical experience so far, into the first rapid I was somewhat nervous, I went and got the passage wrong, nothing serious, but I should quit right now, but I am left with the flow.
piero at each step explained to me in detail what I should do in front of me and drew a perfect line, but I could not always precisely follow: I have so many wrong steps, fortunately, I'm always out with his head out ' water!
we have urged in several steps, because I could do it properly, and some results we got it! (I would have noticed especially during the subsequent descent).
Piero really great patience and a strong teaching method: with him I felt safe and was able to do maneuvers that I never thought you could do!
I began to amaze myself. I'll be as good when I'm alone?

the landscape around me every meter became more beautiful and charming, and yet I often happened to distract me looking around ...
large white rocks, clear water, white beaches, blue skies and lush forests: unbelievable and indescribable.

at the end of descent, landing at Trnovo just before the slalom, I was delighted and excited at that moment everything was fine, I was happy. I forgot all the paranoia, the sorrows, the difficulties e le paure: ero semplicemente ed ingenuamente FELICE!

carica e motivata, quando è arrivato andrea nel pomeriggio, mi sono unita a lui per la discesa. siamo entrati in acqua al laghetto della cava, perché era tardi e non avremmo fatto a tempo ad uscire dall'acqua entro le 18.00, come prevede il regolamento regionale. eravamo comunque in ritardo e mi sentivo una clandestina del fiume...
mentre ci avvicinavamo all'imbarco, lungo la solita infinita strada (che ora percorrevamo fortunatamente in discesa!) andrea mi spiegava di quanto gli piace scendere in fiume da solo: ormai lo conosce benissimo ed è sicuro, ha i suoi tempi di discesa e di gioco, non deve rendere conto a nessuno e sente di avere una maggiore concentrazione. Meanwhile, I felt too! He reassured me and explained that sometimes he also enjoys making a descent in the company, did not yet know how it would end!
I went far enough, but nearly three-quarters of the drop in speed after the great stone trap, I spilled a wave: I think just having the wrong line, I am allowed to bring water to the right and I are also found in a banana at the end of the rapid water. piero and say that I had explained clearly the correct line, in truth, there has also tried andrea, when we were stopped dead in! maybe I was tired, maybe I was soft .. who knows, anyway I'm wrong!
I recovered the shore with a few strokes but I'm all the equipment: andrea fell in pursuit of the canoe, while I tried the paddle from the shore. the first fell for I do not know how many hundreds of meters along the river before that my companion was able to stop it falling, despite the bags tail were well inflated, and the second was stopped by a group of canoeists who was a bit ' further downstream. so I was forced to trek long before finding Andrew then took me to draw in water up to my kayak!
while raining and the river had formed a layer of thick fog about two meters, which gave the valley a very fabulous and almost ghostly.
with lowered ears, I reached the landing a little lamb. I sentivo anche a disagio con andrea che aveva dovuto rinunciare a parte della discesa per recuperare la mia canoa... forse per lui sarebbe stato davvero conveniente scendere in solitaria, piuttosto che in compagnia della mia barca vuota, anzi piena d'acqua!

e anche questa volta, subito dopo cena, son crollata!

giovedì 31 luglio:
mi sono svegliata presto per andare a lezione e non riuscivo a muovermi. ero così stanca e indolenzita da camminare nel modo dei culturisti: rigida, a gambe larghe, con le braccia distanti dal busto. che fatica quelle scale!!!
tuttavia poi, in acqua, ho riacquistato prontamente la mobilità necessaria.
piero mi ha spiegato i buff! ne avevo sempre sentito parlare, ma non avevo mai capito esattamente la dinamica dell'operazione! infatti, le prime prove che ho fatto sono state proprio fallimentari: mi agitavo e dimenavo come una furia per sbattere contro i sassi!
la discesa è stata ancora più divertente del giorno precedente: perché io sono stata più brava! ancora tardavo nell'impostazione della traiettoria: ci ho messo un po' prima di capire come mettere la barca impostando l'ingresso in rapida! ho vinto su alcuni passaggi con cui avevo un conto in sospeso dal giorno prima e ne ho sbagliati altri: ma la soddisfazione di sentire dentro di me tali progressi e miglioramenti era impareggiabile. ero sempre più brava ed ero sempre più felice!

nel pomeriggio I decided to rest and so we stayed most of the afternoon at the baraka to drink beer, then they find themselves drunk as children playing with straws! This relaxation was really necessary for me ...

andrea sabina
Matej, seas, lupine

infuzia!

Friday, August 1:
the last lesson was even more exciting in the river almost did not recognize myself .. many changes from my descent on Monday! I looked like just a new person. I still had to fight against some passaggi con cui ho aperto un conto che salderò appena potrò tornare là!
e infine, ho chiuso la discesa con un buff su un buco che mi ha stupito! sono rimasta quasi interdetta quando ho sentito la barca scivolare via così fluidamente...
ma come ho fatto?? sono stata davvero io a farlo??? WOW!!

nel pomeriggio, passeggiata rilassante a slap kosjak, lungo un sentiero fresco e boscoso, fino in una gola verde e fiabesca. l'acqua scende da una grande spaccatura nella roccia e il sentiero, tra guadi e passerelle, arriva fino alla pozza sotto alla cascata. è un ambiente davvero incantevole!

l'ingresso della gola

slap kosjak

that magic ...

Saturday, August 2:
all over: the morning I slept, then I put everything in order, jail car, greeted everyone. one o'clock I was ready to leave, with the hope of not finding too much traffic.
after a small break to drink with andrea to Cividale, I definitely took the road for home!
was a terrible journey: Luckily I found a lot of traffic, but I stayed almost an hour stop at the barrier of Venice. the air conditioner of the car now and I have suffered from the exhaust is hot as ever in my life.
and I was not too happy to return to Milan!

Cubefeild-weekend Game

still so close to silence

months of silence this time: the most difficult months of my life.
's long illness, surgery, relapse.
the argument that I can not write.
love lost and with it the hopes, dreams, plans for the future. lost the sense of many experiences, the meaning of the fondest memories.

is the awareness of a great illusion.

is awareness of a void that I was brutally torn apart and against which I have tried in vain to struggle, I finally gave up this fight and now I just have to resignation. I understand many things and I hope the cast: I turned off the illusion and I learned to live with my infinite sadness.
I have not stopped loving him, or to wait or to look in my memories, but I stopped believing in my latest and greatest illusion.

nothing will ever be now I've got to rearrange my life with a new sense.
I need to learn and put myself in the middle of the meaning of my life.
know that this change will be difficult, but I do not know if we can.
who knows ...

meanwhile I would like to know how it feels to be loved: I have no idea.
who can explain it? Share