mi sento in uno di quei romanzi del romanticismo tedesco, il cui protagonista è un amore esasperato e totalizzante, senza lieto fine: se rileggessi ora il werther potrei impazzire. come nei romanzi, nelle poesie e nelle canzoni, mi trovo di fronte ad un sentimento quasi incredibile, che non si affievolisce né con il tempo né con la volontà. will perhaps too weak, perhaps feeling too strong.
situation is unreal, a novel!
feel my strong desire as his refusal, I feel my will to fight as strong as my helplessness.
this powerful movement outside of my person, in a burst of desperate love centered on a person, comes up against a wall of indifference, it shatters so many drops that are dispersed. then falling all around, and I feel I love the uniqueness of the world. I can fill my spirit with the rushing water of a river, with the imposing majesty of a mountain landscape with the tranquility of the calm sea, with the strength and fury of the stormy sea. each element of nature awakens and fills my senses, I can enjoy the varied emotions, which then reassembled in that motion finds out that his goal in that person. is a continuous circular motion between joy and sorrow, between peace and anxiety, and between power and powerlessness.
is a flow that is lost, then recombines in an infinite movement. and also I am always on the move. is an inclusive and expansive movement that keeps me alive and responsive.
pleasure in the strength of my emotion when I hear her in pain.
and this stream of life has nothing to do with the escape, distraction or psychosis, as some would have me believe. has only love and curiosity about the world and expansion. who shares is fortunate, who do not understand the judge, who does not understand this accusation!
believed that this flow of emotions focused on him, would be returned to the world by the end of our relationship. Instead I continue to be caught in this endless circularity, and my spirit is always where he falls.
I realize that this movement of expansion, when he was at my side, was a unique and powerful force. represented the world on my strength, my completeness. never had reason to break up and ran every time stronger, enriched by the addition of emotions with different origins.
its remoteness has shattered me, and now it seems so hard to rebuild my spirit.
that is the problem, here comes my anxiety.
I miss him a lot, deep in my spirit. Share
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